news burps
News Burps!We Joke. You Decide if Its Funny. |
Supermodel Gisele Bunchen.......asked friends and family to pray for husband Tom Brady in Sunday's Super Bowl. Uh, Gisele. You're his wife. His prayers have been answered. |
Prez Obama Won't Make......any predictions on the Super Bowl. Other than, "I predict Michelle will be pissed off when I chow down on Hot Wings." |
Madonna Promises......there won't be any wardrobe malfunctions during her Super Bowl performance. Then what's the point? |
Grey's Anatomy Aired......its alternate reality episode Thursday night. Strangely, regardless of the reality, Meredith is still annoying |
Roseanne Barr Officially...files to run for President. Her first act as President? Trade the White House in for a double-wide. |
Wow!Just by announcing Roseanne has created more jobs for late night comedians than Obama has for the rest of the economy. |
Snooki Denies.......she's pregnant. Can’t wait until Snooki has kids and gets her own reality show, Toddlers and Tequila. |
Facebook Planning a......$5 BILLION IPO. Imagine how many imaginary farms you could buy with THAT! |
Demi Moore Obsessed...with staying young and skinny to keep Ashton Kutcher interested. You forgot the "airheaded bimbo" part. He likes 'em young, skinny & airheaded. |
House GOP Wants to Ban......the use of welfare money at strip clubs. If that's what the money's used for maybe it's CLINTON that was the "Welfare President." |
A Chicago Zoo Wants...... wants careerbuilder.com to pull a Super Bowl ad featuring a chimp in suit-and-tie Apparently the chimp lied on his resume about earning a Harvard MBA. |
Madonna Declares......she wants to give up acting. Bill Maher declares, "There is a God." |
Romney Trounces Newt......in Florida Primary. Newt is now promising a "people's campaign." Peoples who get their asses kicked in Florida. |
Newt Wants Brad Pitt......to play him in a movie version of his life. What'd it be called? "Butterball"? And you thought Newt wanting a moon colony was delusional… |
Then Again......Brad would understand the character motivation behind that whole "leaving your wife for another woman" thing. |
Blake Shelton & Miranda......Lambert release America The Beautiful. Sure, their version is beautiful. But they’re no Mitt Romney |
You Hear Mitt Romney Try......to sing? Let's just say he's the William Hung of Presidential candidates. |
Chaz Bono Wants to Do......a Bachelor-style reality show to find true, lasting love. But do I really want to see Chaz Bono in a hot tub? |
Hoboken Rejects MTV's...request to film the Snooki & JWoww's Jersey Shore spin-off there. How trashy do you have to be to be too trashy for HOBOKEN? |
Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger &......Steve Jones AXED from X-Factor. It's Simon's fault. Hiring Paula to coach singers is like hiring Wesley Snipes to teach accounting. |
So Where They Going......to find a singer powerful enough to keep Simon and LA Reid in their place while apparently having enough free time on their hands to do the job? Drat. American Idol got to Obama first. |
American Idol Has Invited......the smooth-singing Prez Obama to duet With Al Green on Let's Stay Together. Interestingly, being a politician, he sings out of both sides of his mouth. |
Joe Biden Advised Prez......Obama NOT to launch raid that killed Osama bin Laden. And Obama replied, "Who are you again, ole guy?" |
Kim, Khloe and Kourtney...are topless in a new ad for their Kardashian Kollection denim line at Sears. Sears: Where America Lusts. |
Shirley McLaine Has Joined......the cast of Downtown Abby. Shirley says she's waited several lifetimes for this role. |
The Help Won Big at......the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Why did Hollywood vote for The Help? Because they probably made THEIR help do the voting. |
Rumor Willis Was There When......Demi was doing whip-its & whatever else. What ever happened to walking along a beach with your mom, discussing those "not so fresh" days? |
Oprah and Barbara Walters......are in a bidding war to land the first US interview with Pippa Middleton. Oh, like any guy wants to hear her that woman talk. |
George Lucas Moans......that the 1st Star Wars movie for him was “really hard. It was painful. It was unpleasant.” Much like the 1st prequel was for everybody else. |
Kim Kardashian's Marriage......came to its inevitable end in Sunday night's Kourtney & Kim Take NY Finale. Oh, she felt horrible. She felt terrible. She felt millions of dollars richer. |
Police Had to Be Called...to Kim’s house Sunday when a stranger showed up with baggage saying he intended to stay at Kim’s. Kris Humphries was released on his own recognizance. |
Demi Moore's Friends Blame......Ashton Kutcher's behavior for sending the actress into a health spiral. How bad has Ashton been acting? Bruce Willis has disowned him as a son. |
A Preview of Saturday's......prime time network UFC fight aired Thursday night on CNN. No, wait. That was the latest GOP debate |
Ron Paul Challenged His...... competitors to a 25-mile bike ride after Wolf Blitzer questioned his health. Newt said the only thing he's ridden in 15 years is his mistress...er, mistresses. |